A Singularity

Sometimes loneliness is intoxicating, in a totally terrifying, lost all control, got-black-out-and-don't-know-where-I-am kind of way.  The room is warm, a lamp is on, and the TV fills the space with noise, but still, it's not enough.  There would not be enough noise and light to shove into the gaping, festering hole that grows and spreads.  Soon the hole will spread so far that there will be nothing left of me.  My body will collapse in on itself as if a curvature singularity had formed in the center of my body.  I would take out the room.  I would take out my entire building, the city, and eventually the universe.  The entire universe would be consumed with my loneliness.  And then nothing.  Nothing would wait for something, because as a philosophy class once argued, "Something comes from nothing."

Then I wake up, and it is today, because it is always today and never tomorrow.  And the hole is smaller, more manageable.  I hide it under my clothes.  I carry it to work, try to stuff papers and my typing into it; I try out different pieces to heal it: maybe a good deed will do it, or maybe a finished project.  Something must be able to replace the spreading lack.  But nothing works.  It is still there.  And I find it so strange how alone someone can feel surrounded by people.  Aren't people the cure for loneliness?  Isn't communication between living beings the stitch that sews the fabric of companionship back together?

Apparently not.  Apparently the human spirit does not take imitation in place of the real thing.  So while the hole in my side is at least the size of my hand, since I can fit my hand in my right side comfortably, I wait for the rest of me to reappear.  I read.  I watch movies.  I unabashedly lurk on the internet.  And I sleep.  I am waiting, always waiting.  My missing piece is out there, taken away without my permission.  Please bring it back.  Bring it back soon.

For those of you that know what I mean, here is a lovely video that helps.

 Don't let loneliness consume you.  There is help out there.

http://www.postsecret.com/

http://www.hopeline.com/